Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Power in Being Powerless

You know those times when you just want to curl up in the corner, snuggle up with something warm and soft, and just cry? Those times when you feel like the weight of the world has just crashed down on your shoulders and the only thing to do is sob until you can't breathe anymore? Well I know these times all too well.
Tears can represent so many different things to me; they can be tears of joy or tears of sorrow, painful tears or angry tears, and sometimes they can just be tears. But what is the purpose of them? The times I cry the most are the times that I'm a wreck--a big ball of jumbled emotions just waiting to explode in whatever way they can to release the pressure on my heart. And I always feel the aftermath of these random emotional breakdowns: red puffy eyes, dehydration, loss of appetite, shakiness, and fatigue...not pleasant things, in other words. But when I'm broken is when it's the easiest to reach me. When I'm completely run-down and have no idea where to turn, when all I can do is cry because I don't know what to do other than fall apart; these are the times when my life is most effectively changed. 

"What if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?
What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?"

I've always been told things like: "As women, sometimes we just need a good cry, because we have a lot of pent-up emotions." But I've never really contemplated the power in tears until this morning when I heard "Blessings" by Laura Story. "What if your healing comes through tears?" I've never thought of that. I've always just let tears flow when they need to, but I've never thought about them as a blessing. There are always going to be valleys in life, and as much as we'd all like to say that we can "do all things through Christ who strengthens [us]", we can't always expect to be able to stand tall and weather every storm that comes our way. This is a huge struggle for me especially, but it occurred to me today that maybe instead of asking God to give me strength or courage or patience, maybe it's time to just let myself break down and allow God to carry me through the valleys so that I'll have the strength to climb the mountains.